Happiness

Are you happy? Yes, you. Are you happy? I can hear that whining no. Poor you, life has been treating you badly. But wait. If you can read this blog, there are too many things you need to be thankful for. You know why? Because you are one of the lucky people who’ve escaped visual impairment, literate enough, have the time to read, seated under a roof for shelter and can afford a computer and internet connectivity.

So you still think that’s not just enough to make you happy. People say that being content makes you happy. But that’s not true. You should never be content with what you have in order to be happy. I am already with you, ain’t I? So what have you been doing with your life? You earn, you eat, sleep. But still not happy.

There is something that’s been bothering you. You don’t have what you want. What is it? Peace? Money? Love? All these three seem difficult to earn. But what measure have you taken to have what you want? Is someone else is responsible for your state? If you have spent your life thinking that your happiness is at someone else’s hand, you’ve already wasted all your time with a deceptive perception. If money is your motive, why haven’t you been able to achieve it? Its because you haven’t given your 100%.

Foremost, jot down what your purpose in life is, based on your interest and skills. Are you good at cooking? What are you doing in a construction firm? Does that make you shameful to be a cook or is it that money you cannot earn in either of the profession? Think broadly. While you are an engineer, you can still make additional money by giving cookery tips on the net, papers or tv shows. If that doesn’t sound feasible, start your own home foods and become a small time supplier to sell it. Even if you find one person to sell it, you’ve already stepped on the stone to success. (Read http://www.malavikka.blogspot.in/2014/03/small-is-big-bigger-innovation-and_17.html to know how small ideas can help you big time.) You need not have big investments, start it on a small scale to do what you love, even if you don’t earn profits, your job satisfaction will drive you towards benefits soon. This way, your peace is resolved too.

As for love, you cannot lose what you have given away. If it’s a past relationship or a deceased person, its irrevocable. But earth is full of people whom you can count on. It is common to hide yourself and be scared of humans because they all hurt and betray you. But remember, you are special and man is a social animal. There will be lot others who would understand you and share your interests although you are unique by birth. Just take off those glasses of pessimism and wear vigilance. Be friendly before making friends. Not everyone you talk to need to be considered a friend, although each new person you talk to are going to be added into your list of assets because atleast you are trying to become social and earn true relationships. Social networking helps a lot to connect with people provided you know its disadvantages and stay vigilant and follow some small virtues to guard yourself.

 Most important of everything is to keep yourself engaged. Practice your hobbies or go out and explore. It is okay to crawl around, if that’s all you can do rather than staying there put, doing nothing. Keep moving, appreciate people around you for they chose be around you, trying to make a difference in your life. No matter how small their contribution is, they still keep pushing you. If you are not happy with your current state, it means you have to work to get what you want but nevertheless you are far much fortunate than most people in the world because there are homeless, ill and weak people out there who cannot even do what you can but still keep moving only because they believe that they can. Make it a point to appreciate atleast one person today. Don’t feel blessed? Look above, you have a ceiling under which you are comfortably seated. Look outside, there are trees that give you shade. Life is full of gifts which we never appreciate. Wear your smile because you are happy already with so many assets. Make the best out of what you have. 

Make it a point to be happy today, because, your happiness lies in what you think of yourself. Take away those things that trouble you, be it jealousy, greed or vengeance. Karma has its own way of repaying things. People who wrong will get punished by their own acts. So stop worrying because its not going to do you good. List out the things that will make you happy and devise methods to achieve it. If it doesn’t seem achievable, its time you pick up an alternative rather than cribbing. Are you happy? Yes you are, because you deserve to be and already blessed abundantly. 

Gender Discrimination

Blue for boys and pink for girls, we already teach them how discrimination works! Girl, start helping your mom and learn household chores, while boy, go out to play, kitchen is your forbidden territory they say. Even if a boy wears his panties at home, he is allowed while a girl wears shorts, she is ‘disciplined’ on her dressing sense. Women being weaker sex by physique, we let boys dominate them. Be it a younger or an elder brother, Indian women are dominated by them and women are taught to live under their shadow only to be called ‘good’. Having already trained men that women could be looked down upon, they are all set to execute their braggadocio in the society.

Educational institutes pave the way for perfect discrimination. A co-education restricts the interaction of boys and girls. In such an environment, when a boy and girl speak, they are either teased or accused of being in a relationship. Here ends the beginning of socialization. As a personality, people are curbed from getting evolved and comfortably the ‘stronger sex’ keeps putting down their counterpart women to establish their superiority and women are taught to be silent and hidden, not to be heard or spoken about, which accounts to their disregard while a man, no matter if he is atrocious or flirty is considered agreeable because men are by ‘default’ that way and it is not a big deal. On the other hand women need to be cautious on the way they dress, speak, move. Even when she is sexually assaulted, it is her fault. If she flirts, she is a bitch. If she is revolutionary, she is a rebel. If she chooses normal living, like her male counterparts, she is outrageous. “That girl drinks! What a blasphemy?!” someone gossips while it is absolutely normal for men to drink and smoke.

Men, you might be complacent with the way these happen. But have you ever realized how much you missed out by not interacting with your fellow female classmates? Do you realize that it made you deprived and look at every girl with a longing desire to talk and you never had any idea on their thought process that you flopped with your female colleagues during your trial to gain their good will for employment benefits that you always perceived them as villains, which actually turned the so far superiority complex into ego and inferiority in turn?

So you thought drinking was masculine. Have you ever undergone the joy of drinking with a woman? Oh ya, drinking and smoking is injurious to health. So, cigarettes know not to affect male lungs and drinks never shot up to your head to cause hang overs. Still you think you deserve the higher position because you are stronger physically? So how many of you can menstruate every single month, pain, bleed yet stay alive and normal regularly or heave for months and take the turmoil to reproduce? I hope you can clearly see the equality in our strengths now.

Women, its not okay to be stereotypical and call it a custom. Akin the right to breathe, you have the right to equality. Forget how your ancestors treated you, but you have a social responsibility to contribute to the welfare of your gender which is a part of the human race. We are good at patience, but don’t convert it into dumbness and stand up for what you know is right. There is no need for vengeance to take on superiority and become a feminist. That way, we already repeat the wrong travel. Treat men right but not superior. Count yourselves not more or less but equal.

As humans, all of us have the responsibility to make the society better and eradicate the social evils, not as an obligation but for our own good. Change the unjust practices and know that it is your duty to be the first to bring that change. Live and let live. Make the world a better place to live in and make that start by contributing to your own race. 

Friend

The definition of who a friend is, is complex and varies from person to person. I remember a birthday card which had lovely wishes except for one sentence which said that friends change with time and I had to paste a paper over it and change the word. I had different expectations and definitions for a friend with respect to my age. When I was 8, to me, friend was one person who will be with you forever. I was not a people’s person and I never bothered to be one. I always longed for just one friend who will stand by me. But, I am selective and I choose my friends because of which I even lost out on a diamond when I was busy collecting stones. I had one person who stood by me when everyone else deserted me, but I didn’t like her habits, her boisterous behaviour and stayed away.

When I was 14, I wanted to have a lot of friends and drastically changed myself accordingly. At that time, friends, to me were people who hugged me affectionately and waved at me enthusiastically every single time we met. At 17, friend, meant a bird of my feather, who was of my class and wavelength. Young blood was at its best and I kept in touch with all my old friends and always on a mission to make new ones. Ouch! I learnt that unlike school, I couldn’t trust people just because they were in my college but managed to wear the friendliness although I hardly called someone a ‘friend’.

At 23, I still make a lot of new friends, but learn from my past on what to expect and what not from people. Friend, to me is someone who knows your original self, accepts you anyway and loves you more than any mistake of yours could offend. Love, trust and friendship are inseparable. You cannot have one without the other. If you call someone a friend, make sure you mean it with all your heart and never let ego inside. It’s a pride to be stupid with your loved ones than to win over them. The more you fight, the more you understand how much you can give up for each other and get glued by love and trust. At this epoch, friend to me is someone who takes efforts to stay in touch with me and pacify me on my hard days. In the end the one thing that would matter is, who came in but never left and helped you when you were low and I’m glad that I have them already.

Tips for a good friendship:

*Give your friend, their personal space, don’t barge in too much

*Give them their personal time, don’t pester them to talk to you 24*7

*The more you give up for them, the more you win, never ever let ego win you.

Engineering

"Are you an engineer?" someone asks. "Nooo! Im a journalist!" I scream as though my decibel would silence my dreadful past and convince of myself not being associated with it. It might be a profession that fetches good money but in reality how many engineers are happy? How many in fact are eligible engineers? Recently, when I was talking to a friend about my apprehension with employment, his reply was “Imagine how many unemployed engineers are but you at least have something to do” and that hit my ego and I immediately reacted, “Im not just a product of a dumb engineering college! I have an excellent brand name of my PG college and eligible skills in me for what I aspire.”

There are thousands of engineering colleges in India which offers a range of courses but hardly 10% of them actually have proper faculty, infrastructure and management to train the students and give them a worthy education. So whenever I’m associated with being an engineering graduate I hang down my face in shame and fight the embarrassment whenever I’m asked to tell my college name.

It is not just that. It is the excruciating pain I underwent in my college days due to worst management and its bringing of students that engineering according to me has a definition that is equal to rubbish and pain. But that is not just my definition. There are lakhs of graduates who have hardly some theoretical information mugged up and end up unemployed or going for BPO or a low salary job and I have nil respect for the profession except for the rare ones who have the real passion and flair for it.

I did stories on newspapers about the bad conditions of engineering colleges but all of them wanted a generalized perspective than bringing up a specified list because most colleges are owned by politicians and rogues and that would affect the writer and editor. I don’t have a solution to this. But definitely people are blindly crazy to sign up for the course shedding their blood and money assuming that everybody who does the course is going to earn a fortune but end up with a lot of burden.

The only solution to this problem is don’t choose something because it fetches money because it wont unless you have the flair for it. Each one has a different purpose in life and are designed for a greater good. Don’t try to imitate the herd and blame yourself for not able to climb up a tree when you are a fish with the ability to swim.

Read here on "Individuality" Confiscated 

Dream

Dream is magical. Your heart’s innermost desires find a way to vent and you live it for the spell. What is it to live your dreams? To keep sleeping and imagining? May be, it is one way. But have you ever experienced the queer power of your dreams that make it happen in reality? It is more connected to your soul and it takes you along in life’s journey. Your health, happiness and prosperity depend on what you put into your sub-conscience. I sleep talk and walk since my childhood and at a point I thought I needed help to come out of it. I sought a psychologist who found its reason to be stress. But I was willing to undergo the stress for future benefits (I mean the academic pressure).

Some people say that you have to dare to dream big. But it is always snugly to remain in dreamland about being everything you are not at the moment and possessing all that you like to, be it love, money or whatever. The question here is if you are actually willing to make it come true or complacent with the thoughts alone. If the answer is former, break your goals into smaller check points. The path you are travelling might be deviated from the one you should be going but make sure that your destiny is only in the parallel road where you can cut at any juncture and join rather than a diagonally opposite direction. Dream higher, but don’t forget to hook the anchor at a point such that u can cling on to the rope and make attempts to draw yourself closer to it.

Dreams are enchanting, but it is necessary to know the clear distinction between what you can dream and what it is like in real life. Everybody dreams of a perfect prince while in reality nobody is perfect because humans symbolise imperfection. But nobody can stop you from dreaming of such a prince, in a land where you are the master of your thoughts. Dwell in positive and happy dreams but wake up to reality to hold your senses and minimize expectations to avoid disappointment. Dream bigger, aim higher, work not just harder but smarter by devising new methods to replace those that don’t work and you will soon find yourself on your way to glory, just the way you dreamt!

Charisma

I’ve always admired those people who manage to pull in crowds towards them wherever they go. Have I been jealous of them? May be somewhere, but my admiration and inspiration has always succumbed. Perhaps there were some people who’ve made me wonder how such a person could gain so much importance when their character is not appealing to me. Here are the secrets:

#1 Carry an attitude that protects you. Don’t confuse attitude with arrogance, but do shield yourself with a high self-esteem.

#2 Listen and observe more than speaking. Plan your situations well before dealing a problem. Devise alternatives and use them wisely.

#3 Keep monitoring your progress. Its okay if you don’t have friends, but its not okay if you are complacent. Everyday should make a difference in your life.

#4 Most of the time you are going to spend is with yourself. So make yourself as interesting as possible! Consider your time worthwhile and develop useful hobbies. Not good at anything? That’s even better! Sign up for some music/arts/dance/yoga/writing classes and explore new areas.

#5 Don’t bend too much on anyone. Be a mirror but don’t crash when people throw stones at you. You cannot reach your destination if you keep throwing stones at every dog that barks. Keep calm and laugh at your foes, they are the losers anyway because they carry hatred and burn in it.

#6 Conquer your enemies by making them your friends. No, it doesn’t mean you should back stab them. It means that you have to sow seeds of love to eliminate weeds.

#7 Feeling small? Do something big. Help someone in need and they are going to be your loyalist forever.

#8 Forgive easily but never forget and show vigilance, lessons are meant to help you in future after all and forgiveness helps the giver and receiver to patch up things easily. That way both the sides are benefitted.

There were a lot of lovely people who’ve inspired and transformed my personality and I dedicate this post to my schoolmates Durga, Archana, Dhwani and Shobana who’ve played my first ever role modelsJ

Boy Friend

There is many a slip between the cup and the lip. Can a best friend become a boyfriend? To this, there are many perspectives and discrepancies.

#Perspective 1 – What justice does it do to the friendship and how will the boy perceive it when he gets to know that you have been looking at him that way? What happens to the purity of friendship then?

#Perspective 2 – There is nothing wrong and more honourable than a best friend becoming your boyfriend.

Solutions

#Solution 1 – When you have a prospective interest with someone’s profile, its better not to establish yourself as a friend, rather, make your intention clear, so that pain or gain will be at the minimum when it happens right at the start.

#Solution 2 – Know him better and build the trust that ensures him that you need not measure your words nor weigh your thoughts when you speak to him and ensure you that no matter what you feel for him, he will hold your hands and never mistake you.

#Solution 3 – Have a clear distinction in your mind between boyfriend and boy friend and know the differences between friendship, crush, love and lust and make your filtration right away. (Friend zoning helps!) Yes, you cannot plan love, but just in case, to be on the safer side, you can plan prospective love such that if it turns positive, you would not regret and if it turns negative, you would not worry. I know that this is a tricky statement that is debatable, but if you don’t want to lose yourself, better be guarded and hold your senses right to control who you will enjoy falling for and yet feel safe enough.

In the end, whichever choice you make must make you happy! Brain directs, heart scampers but a perfect balance between them and a good conscience helps. Just be good to that little fellow who plays to be your conscience and he will be your lucky angel and take you to your Prince Charm! Wishing Happy relationships to all readers! 

:)

Adulthood

“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!”, people say. When we were children, all we wanted to do is grow up and be independent. We thought that adults, who were always behind us, were actually free without anyone at their back. More importantly, an adult life meant, no homework! Adults were free to travel anywhere and do whatever they liked! As adolescence envelopes, life seems excited, the opposite sex seems interesting than ever. Slowly adulthood starts swallowing in, slapping the reality of life. Life is never as safe and secured as when it offered to be at school. Outside sanctuary, the human jungle seems vast, miscellaneous and completely new. All values that school had taught seems to go in for a toss in the rat race but that indelible divine power stays loyal to you, as you do to it and keeps you guarded from the wild.

Responsibilities lay before, the road ahead, narrow, and there is no escape around; to foot it bravely, strong or weary, being the only option left. So, why should you give up on life, when life doesn’t want to give up on you? When the going gets tough, the tough gets going and the wise decision at the epoch is to wade through the mist and spite the sun’s scorch. Yes, it makes you tanned, feel ripped, washes of your beautiful colours, but wait, that isn’t the end. You get a new colour. The sun and the rain yield a rainbow, which is a combination of all the colours called life. It is at this juncture that you realize what life is and you are called matured. But why so serious? Make the best out of your maturity, don’t have it a reason to burry the infant inside you. Treat yourself well and treat others the way you would like to be treated. Smile through the confusion and dance through the storms. Celebrate life and redefine adulthood. There is life at every epoch and all it takes is to acknowledge it and live your best!