Fear

#F

 

Fear is that feeling when I cling on so tight to my husband's shoulder

while he speeds past traffic during peak office hours in the damaged
Chennai roads. I pray to god to be merciful and spare our lives for
one more day. 'God, forgive him for his gutsy drive. Forgive him if
he's taken the wrong turn or decision in driving. Just save us today!'
I murmur.

By the time my feeble voice travels upwards heaven and the answer
transmits back, my husband halts the bike in front of my multistorey
office. 'Good job man! We are alive!' I say letting out a sigh of
relief. I then queue my second prayer wishing Sundar reaches his
office safely too. Off ignites his engine and he zooms out of sight in
a giffy.

Rushing to the biometrics to record my attendance, I hurry as I am
already half an hour late. Situated on the 6th floor is my department.
I usually prefer the stairs to the lift because most of the days I am
fitness conscious. The rest of the days when I choose the lift, the
carrier decides to go conky and gets me locked inside for frightful
period of time.

Fear is getting stuck in the lift and trembling that it should not be
the end of your life. When in a crowd it is suffocating to stay inside
for long hours and if Im alone, alas, there is nobody for company to
act in a tough situation. Once, I tried to pacify myself and reached
for the alarm button when the lift stopped mid way. To my misfortune,
I had pressed the lights button instead and it was put out. In another
instance, we were a group of six and the current had gone. We were
reaching out by banging the door and trying hard to breathe.

Moments later, the security guard aided to our calling and we came out
alive from a testing incident. Phew! I perspire mostly out of fear
than the sultry weather and take the stairs without looking back at
the lift.

Fear is getting a memo from your boss for being late and scurrying
within your bounds for reasons to give him for the default. I try to
act confident and nod my head for his advice to inform him in prior in
case of late arrival and throw myself on the rotating chair and put on
the switch of my computer.

Fear is having an unreliable computer that is often menacing and
threatens to shut down when you have a list of work to do for the day.
I juggle in between the available systems and haste with the day's
work.

Fear is dozing off in the middle of work after having a tiring
morning. I take a stroll round the corridor and return to cope up with
the rest of the day.

The real fear however is running away from the tasks and not facing
it. After wading through a series of incidents at day, I get ready for
the next challenge with the same fear but each day, a little lesser as

I learn how to handle my fears.

What is your biggest fear and are you ready to face it? 

Earn

#E

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of earn is actor Rajinikanth's punch dialogue that goes like this. 'Anything that you acquire without much effort will not last and something that you work hard for and get will never leave you.' Between the rhyme and time of this line is embedded a deep meaning.

How many times have you dreamed about something and desperate to get it? But how many times have you put in your 100% to get that you wanted? I have. There is a thin line of difference between desperately trying for something and doing something the right way. While in the former, you may fail, in the latter you 'earn' your reward.

In my post graduation there was a tussle between me and a classmate which blew up to the entire class turning against me. I was desperate to making friends. I tried all means. I helped some people, I tried giving them money, gifts, working for them, but nothing worked. At one point I even tried to woo a girl to become friends by hitting on a deal. I showed her my personal diary that I had been maintaining for more than a decade now. She read it, used my gifts even if unwillingly(although she didn't ask for them) and then, she would do it all secretly without my social inclusion with her. I was not in her clique. That hit me under my belt. I learnt that friendship cannot be bought but earned.

In life, we desire for many things but we either take the wrong approach or wish for the wrong people/things. The truth is simple. If something is not natural, do not try to artificially acquire it. Wait for the right time or person and don't be disappointed with the current state.  Desperation only leads to dismay while dedication makes you prepared and earn your success. The best example for desperation is beggars while for dedication is Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. From a sweeper, he did his education in political science, prepared himself for the position and earned his power.

Have you earned anything so dedicated?

Dare

#D

The future belongs to those who dare to dream. But what does it take to dare do something? Sheer courage. Most of the times, our fears are greater than the real problems itself. When I was a kid, I was lonely and did not have many friends. But when I wanted to make friends, I was scared. I was scared if my classmates would accept me or even include me in their circle. I was afraid of big groups because I assumed successful kids were those who studied well. Little did I know that just daring to dream would get me connected with everyone even if I faked the relationship.

I devised a method. I skipped my classmates and made friends with my seniors. This, gave me a sense of social acceptance. Subsequently, my classmates learnt that I have already been acknowledged as a successful kid in popularity circle and accepted me heartily.

But until then I was on the apprehension confinement and dared not take the first step towards climbing my success ladder. I had low self esteem because I imagined that only studiousness was the way to making friends. But I detested studying already and thought I was incapable of anything, destined to be a loser. This is a small example to what daring can help you do.

There is nothing in life that cannot be acquired when you dare to do whatever it takes. Many at times hurdles come in the form of family, friends and financial crunch. But there is more than one way to a skin cat. Find an alternative to the means that you take to get what you want. The key to this is staying positive and never giving up on yourself. If you want to handle something in a particular way, envisage the reactions to your action. Plan how you can do it better. This way, daring will never sound as terrorised as the word is meant to sound.

When you dare to do the right things that you want in simple things, you will eventually learn to dare to do bigger things in life. Are you daring?

Comfort

#C

Comfort is that state when you are as immersed as gulab jamun in a jeera like state of affair. It sounds delicious like the jamun and luxurious like it's texture. But do you remember that jamun is a perishable item and needs to be eaten within a span of time?

Same is life. If you stay in your comfort zone and do not attempt to move out, you would either be forced to move or perish. But coming out of it isn't as heartening as staying inside. What should one do to undergo transition?

Start different things, the fun way. In comfort zone it is easier to experiment small things than falling into the sea and learning to swim. For instance, if you have been spending your leisure reading Facebook jokes, may be you can spend a part of that time in reading books or newspapers. If you've been walking everyday to exercise, take the extra effort to experiment yoga or Zumba. After all, you will be benefitted because of this.

Remember, it is not always comfortable to stay in the comfort zone because some day when the storm howls and you are thrown into the ocean, it is easier to grapple if you already know swimming than fighting for life and learning it the hard way. When you are gifted with comfort, it is only the span to equip yourself for tough times in life’s circle. Make use of it and come out successful. 

What is your comfort and how are you going to make use of it? Tell me about it.

Blog

#B

There is something fantasizing about blogs just like stamps. Peoplewhom you have never known before visit it and comment on it. I startedblogging in my first year of under graduation. My first post was a fantasy story. My luck, it got published in a book soon. 

There is more than just that about blogging. The pleasure of writing is duly rewarded both by acting as an archive as well as getting feedback. The exciting part is that strangers whose real identity is also unknownget to pass by your life through their comments. That awe of totally unknown person dropping by, is inexplicable.

As a child I used to write and show it to my classmates. Again my luck, they were all very appreciative of it and encouraged me more. I got my identity through my poetry. I felt unique and proud of it. I was still an average person. Little did I know that this quality wouldlead me into an interesting career. My undergraduation was engineering and I detested it all along. My solace back then was blog which
incepted even before orkut. Being a blogger gave me a ticket to theworld of writers and encouraged my writing.

Today, I'm out of engineering and a successful journalist. But blog was my first published platform and I'm happy that I'm still keeping it alive through this challenge. Some pleasures in life dont need grandeur. It is solely dependent on self satisfaction and blog has fulfilled that desire throughout. Thanks to google!

Abandon

Here begins my #AtoZChallenge again :)

#A

How does it feel when someone turned you on and left?
- Switch

Do you know what it is to feel abandoned? Truth is, you do. Because no one ever has crossed life without being at least ditched by one person whom you knew. And, all of us would have either deliberately or inevitably avoided someone who knew us. So, what is the dharma behind ignoring and getting ignored? Let's separate this into two parts.

First, getting ignored. Why do someone have to ignore us for no fault of ours? Do we deserve it? There is something called ‘sonder’ which means everyone have their personal space and life, miles apart from yours. You are not their priority and integral part of another’s life. This truth is not easy to take as it slaps you hard. To grapple with such a situation you should make yourself as interesting as possible for the maximum time you spend with in your life is yourself. Cultivate exciting hobbies. Learn new ones and keep exploring your likes. Make friends with yourself and stand independent irrespective of how people around you see you. Your self esteem has the power to influence what others think about you. Don't be too much guilty for your mistakes and chide yourself for faults. Rectify your mistakes and love yourself more than ever.

Second part is easy to handle except for the guilt. Some importunate or innocent soul probably counted you their dearest and you had to avoid them because you were not comfortable with that person. Remember the sonder rule in getting ignored. It's okay to pass on bad things as you receive them, at least that could get you a feeling of balance in life. (More importantly don't forget to pass on the good deeds too). Don't hurt anyone, but politely drift away if that's the best for you. After all friends are by choice and your choices strengthen or weaken you. If it is strength that matters, you can very well categorise people as asset and liability without hurting them and letting go because ‘you’ should be your first priority and it is equally important that you don't hurt yourself as much as not hurting others.

Sometimes it is unavoidable to avoid someone but it is avoidable to get yourself irked. Be and do the best thing for yourself and make your tick mark with righteousness to know you are doing the right thing.

Beautiful Day

That feeling I get when I enter Valluvar Kottam High Road is something special. The smell of earth, that serenity even amidst a bustling road, green trees, shady roads and a nostalgic conscientiousness radiating like a magnetic field from my school in the next street take me back to old days when I used to wait at the Valluvar Kottam bus stop in my higher secondary. In fact I was introduced to Valluvar Kottam even before my schooling. My dad used to bring me here to feed me. Despite my attachment with my mother and detachment with father like most kids do, whenever I see the place, it makes me feel proud about he having been the primary parent in my childhood as per the consensus in our family.

As I entered the Kottam to report for an exhibition, I saw a number of handicrafts and jewelery stalls lined up ostensibly. While I gently lifted an unique ear ring, I came to know the expensive price. When the inborn quality of women is to shop, the second is to bargain. Chennai has been my home since birth but somewhere life here is based on a bargain. I followed the general ritual of bargainers by pretending to leave when the shopkeeper refused to budge with the desired rate and it worked just the traditional way. He accepted to sell his jewel for the price I asked. One such shopkeeper, when relenting, passed an innuendo on my face. He called me a miser. Ouch, that hurt! I hastily checked back my wallet and reassured that I had to save enough money for the travelling way back home and tried answering that remark with my South Indian Hindi.

                                    
Instead of defending, he tried to flatter me by helping me choose the best among those unique ear rings. I was confused if he found my Hindi cute or suddenly found me beautiful. Whatever might have been the case with him, I indignantly snapped the pair and hurriedly paid the cash I quoted. Without looking back, I hated for my second encounter with the unfair world of bargaining. I wanted to take an auto for a minimum distance! When it comes to plying by meter, auto men show high on reluctance meter. As usual I brought in my woman trait and convinced the third auto to accept cash for the minimum distance as stipulated by the rules. (Even that meant five rupees extra to the fixed minimum meter rate).

On my way to the railway station I carried my wet tissue everywhere searching for a dustbin, trying to be that good citizen who keeps her city clean. Accidentally, I mistook a green cupboard for a dustbin and was imminent to throw the waste there. Disappointed at the realization, I carried it back until I got down at my station and decided to add it to one of the junk pile lying on the roads. My scout for the next auto began but this time, I did not bother to bargain because the auto stand has fixed rate on their own terms and bargaining would only mean I need to walk all the way home without getting an auto to ride.

Tired over the evening’s encounter, I threw myself on the chair and sat glued to it until my alarm kept reminding me to water the plants. Filling up my hunger first, I quenched their thirst and hit the done button on my mobile alarm. As I unzipped my handbag, my heart leaped excitedly to look at the gorgeous jewels I had bought. It seemed like my days exhaustion had after all turned out rewarding and come to an abrupt halt. I put on that exquisite ear ring and flashed before the mirror. My unfair world suddenly evaporated into merriness and spawn an expectation to look forward to the day when I would be dazzling in those jewels. It made up my spirit and my day ended so beautiful.